You’re Not Alone
“One day, my 11 year old turned into a monster, literally overnight. She was mean to her siblings, and just seemed….angry.”
– Kendall, SheCo Founder
This is a story we have heard so many times from mums whose pre-teens’ seem to jump from 10 to 25 in one leap. Suddenly, sweet smiles are replaced with eyerolls and sarcasm so cutting it’s hard not to take it personally. Know this… you are not alone.
The time from age 10 to the late teen years is a tricky one for any parent to manage. Your little ones are figuring out who they are, testing boundaries and dealing with a barrage of negative societal pressures all in the messy soup of preadolescent hormones.
It’s all too easy to assume they want their space and to back out of the room for 5 to 10 years. The problem with this approach is not only that it creates distance between mums and daughters, but it also means we are not combatting the negative influences in their lives or helping them navigate the tumultuous teen years.
Every time we open our phones or go to the shops or turn on the TV, we are assaulted with advertising and messages telling women and girls that they are not enough. In order to raise girls with good self-esteem, we have to step up and offer a different message.
Genuine Conversations
Despite talking with friends constantly on their phones, it can feel like your teenage daughter only blesses you with one-word answers. Building in regular time to have genuine conversations with your daughter can mean the difference between keeping the line open and burning the bridge.
It will surprise you how much you can get them talking if you’re willing to follow their lead. Here are some tips we recommend for getting the conversation flowing:
- Don’t be Direct: We know it’s tempting to cut to the chase and ask them about their new crush but you’ll have more luck leading with less direct questions and letting your daughter drive the conversation.
- Be Interested: Getting to know more about their interests will build trust and a topic pool you can pull from when you want to connect.
- Don’t Problem Solve: We know you know the answer to their problems but more than likely they are looking for sympathy and not a lecture about the correct course of action. Provide direction when asked and a sympathetic ear the rest of the time.
Love By Example
By fostering your connection with your daughter you will build trust and confidence but it’s through example that you will teach them what it means to be a woman.
Their heads might be in their phones but they hear the comments you make about your body, they see how much time you do or don’t spend looking after your mental health and they feel when you fail to regulate your emotions.
It’s not about perfection but doing your best to love yourself and to practice self-care will show your daughter how beautiful womanhood can be.
Further Reading:
https://childmind.org/article/tips-communicating-with-teen/
https://fulleryouthinstitute.org/blog/talking-with-teenage-girls